


Be Calm

by MaxIsOnline



Series: The Playlist Drabbles [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Little Shit, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Anxious Thoughts, Destruction of Public Property, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mentions of Running Away, Virgil is Angry, angry trauma children, author projection, child alone in a big city, dish throwing, instead of sad trauma child, just enjoy this poor angry child, max your virgil stan is showing, mentions and implications of shitty parenting, they only last for like five seconds though, this was really cathartic to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26346370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxIsOnline/pseuds/MaxIsOnline
Summary: Idea: Virgil is angry at the world and it’s max projection hours
Series: The Playlist Drabbles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914430
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Be Calm

**Author's Note:**

> the tws are in the tags please read the tags this is literally just me projecting trauma anger onto my comfort character cus i was le mega pissed. anyways. if you can't throw glass shit, have your comfort character do it for you. life hack.

Virgil walked the street as the cold air nipped at his face. Every small thought felt like a million more. Perhaps taking a walk to feel better wasn’t a good idea. What if he got lost? What if he got jumped? 

He took a moment to stop and take a breath. He needed to rationalize his thoughts for a moment. After all, when Virgil packed his things and moved to the nearby city he had fully expected this. Was he upset about leaving his douchebag parents? No. Not at all. Virgil didn’t have the slightest ounce of regret about taking a couple thousand dollars and disappearing in the middle of the night. Now this didn’t mean Virgil wasn’t angry. Virgil had plenty of things to be angry about. 

And this walk was supposed to help with that anger. Why was he angry? He didn’t know. Hell, there were so many things to be angry about. He had possibly just made the best or worst decision of his life so, yeah, he was pretty anxious about it. Oh god what was he thinking, he wasn’t even an adult, he was still 17 and had over a month until his birthday. At least he was tall enough to pass as an adult or college student otherwise he would be toast.

Virgil started walking again, exploring some more of the streets of the new city. Anxiety sucked ass and for Virgil it usually showed up as anger. Virgil moved to another side street and as he did he put his earbuds and turned up the music to a volume that was sure to damage his hearing but it wasn’t like Virgil gave much of a fuck. This was his choice, he made it and he had to deal with it. And so he dealt with it, not exactly well but it was dealing. Virgil walked faster as the tears of anger threatened to fall behind his eyes and the sky darkened above him.

This walk wasn’t helping. The anger just built and built, anger at himself for leaving, anger at his parents for just not being good parents, anger at his school, anger at society. Virgil was angry and when it all became too much. He ran. Now what exactly was running going to do? Virgil was attempting to run from his problems, yet they always followed him and found him, even in large cities miles away from his parents. That was because his problems existed in his head, they always had. And that just served to make Virgil angrier. But the run was helping. He knew he had to be calm to think clearly. As Virgil jogged through the city streets, he turned sharp corners and grabbed some sticks and proceeded to hit trash cans as he ran by them breaking into a skip to play the ones lined up like a set of drums. 

Now there weren’t many cars in this part of the city but there were people who lived there who opened their windows when Virgil ran by banging the trash cans with all the anger he had to shout curse words as Virgil briefly turned around to flip them off and keep running around corners. 

Eventually Virgil dropped the sticks and jumped over curbs and stone benches as he ran through the city. Virgil felt elated, alive, angry, anxious and free all at once. He was barely able to register that he was in an empty skate park? Dump? Whatever. Virgil proceeded to kick over every trash can he saw. And then he noticed the empty glass bottles. Which Virgil promptly threw at the wall, over. And over. And over again. 

When Virgil ran out of bottles, He looked around at the mess he created and felt like his lungs were about to collapse. His cheeks were colder than before. His hands reached up to discover that there were tears dripping down them. When had Virgil started crying? Eventually Virgil stomped the ground and screamed. He screamed louder and harder than he ever had. He screamed for his lost childhood, the pressures, the never ending anxiety, the anger, all the good and the bad.

In the silence that lingered in the air after his screams, Virgil began to laugh. Not a laugh at anything hilarious, but a rather unhinged laugh. He doubled over and found himself struggling to catch his breath as he fell to the ground. What was so funny? Virgil didn’t know and he was pretty sure he would never figure it out. Virgil slammed his fists against the ground. 

So here Virgil was, laying on the ground in the middle of an empty skate park turned dumpster, on his back as he let out a weak laugh and tears flowed non stop from his eyes. This had been a fucked up and emotionally overwhelming week. But Virgil coped. He didn’t really but this is what he liked to convince himself of. Virgil could see the stars from here. You couldn’t see the stars in the city. Virgil liked it here. He mentally declared this his safe place.

In the quiet emptiness of the abandoned park, Virgil noticed he felt calm. Calm like he had never been before. It was nice Virgil hummed to himself as he took in the sky and his surroundings. The world was shit, but here it was calm. And he couldn’t be any more grateful. He took a deep breath and repeated to himself what he had been telling himself since his anxiety kicked into high gear in middle school as his hand in his sleeve moved to wipe the drying tears away. 

“Be Calm, Virgil Cost, Be Calm” 

And for the first time, Vigil could actually believe he was.

**Author's Note:**

> ngl, this one was fun to write. I had fun getting out the anger. My cousin recommended throwing ice cubes when i told her i wrote this cus I was salty i couldn't throw dishes. This was cathartic to write and I hope that people can relate to and find solace and a shared experience in virgil anger. i hope that one day we wont have to be so angry. may we find something better. and may we be allowed to throw all the dishes we like for all the years of anger


End file.
